::aargh matey::
I keep trying and trying to think of something to write. Nothing comes to me. Fortunately, I finished embroidering something so can go ahead and post a photo. It’s a lovely pirate patch girl. She’s a Red Velvet Art pattern and I think she’d look lovely stitched onto a tank top or T-shirt. If only I could find my Tshirt stabilizer…
p.s. I’m going to San Francisco next week! 
)
::hello there::
Whoa. Guess I needed a brief hiatus.
So much going on. Got my LSAT score last night (they just e-mail it now) and it was what I was expected: Not horrible but not great either. This kind of puts me back at square one. There’s still a chance I could get into a law school, but I’d have to work harder for it and it wouldn’t hurt to take the test one more time after *even more* studying.
I’m also applying for a couple of jobs. But I’m a journalist by training and a *newspaper* journalist at that: Our future isn’t looking very rosy right now.
But let’s get on to some fun stuff…The Etsy Green & Clean Guild is hosting a super fun treasure hunt! You know what a bath-and-body junkie I’ve been of late. I couldn’t resist and I couldn’t resist spreading the word: Just visit the participating EGCG shops and when you find the hidden treasure-chest picture you can save 15 percent on your order. You’re welcome )
::closure::
My first mini quilt. It measures roughly 6 x 7 inches, is embellished with lace and french knots and is finished with a serged stitch. The embroidery reads, “My heart is at peace” and it’s a very personal statement about my breakup. After all the pain, the anger, the words exchanged in rage, the striving for forgiveness, the desire for revenge, I can finally say I feel as if I am in a place of peace and balance.
And I will also say this: My ex is engaged to his new girlfriend.
I know what you are probably thinking. It’s what I thought. It’s what so many people said to me when they found out: That was fast.
Yes, it was fast.
But I don’t hold anything against him. I want him to be happy, to have a family which is what he has wanted for so long but something I did not want.
I hope no one reads this and thinks I am some kind of saintly person. It’s just that I have a hard time letting go of things that bother me–one could even argue that this is a character flaw–and I tend to think, and think, and think until my mind finds some kind of conclusion that I can live with. Something that feels authentic. Something that approaches the Truth.
And I think it indeed has. And my heart is at peace.
::new outfit::
Whoa! I was a sewing machine today. Finished that top I blogged about in the post below, the Simplicity 2593. I extended the length to make it a tunic. I like it! It’s a little tight around the arm pits, which makes it hard to take off, but all in all…very wearable. The fabric is from a thrifted sheet. I have quite a lot leftover too. This pattern was super simple, the instructions very clear.
::oh happy day::
Whoa. Well here I am on the other side of the Law School Admission Test (LSAT). Honestly I’m a little afraid to see my score. I prepared the best I could but you never know.
Now that the test is behind me, I have time to craft again. There’s a certain top that’s waiting to be sewn together. I had cut the pieces out way back when then told myself I couldn’t finish it until AFTER June 8.
More when it’s finished, which will be soon.
Oh! I don’t know if you can see this well in the photo above, but I decided to go ahead and finish the neckline off with matching bias tape, just like the instructions suggested. I was tempted to just serge the unfinished edge since in the version I’m making the neckline will be covered anyway. But I told myself I had to practice sewing bias tape. And you know what? This is the best bias tape sewing I’ve done to date. Of course it’s still going to be covered. But I’ll know it’s there. Ah, the magic of handmade…
Wishing you all a happy day!
::crazy dog lady::
Mmmm. Doesn’t the above photo make your mouth water? It’s dog food. That’s right. I don’t cook enough for myself and yet here I am whipping up a batch of fresh-cooked doggie food for my mutt. I hope it helps with his digestive issues (he can be pretty barfy, but fortunately he warns me so I can let him outside to chuck).
The recipe is one I found awhile back and saved in Google Reader (love Google Reader, btw), and it includes chicken, kale, steel cut oats, and yams. All stuff I would eat, actually, lol. I don’t know if I can justify this expense all the time so I’m going to make this batch stretch.
::my face::
I’ve been paying more attention to my hair and skin lately and last night I thought they were looking pretty healthy so I took a photo and decided to share some of my beauty ritual (also, it seemed like halfway interesting blog content):
1. Lavender facial steam. I boil some water in a pot then add some dried lavender.
2. Ambrosia cleansing grains from Angel Face Botanicals. They’re cleansing grains, but I just mix a bit of water in it and use it as a facial mask.
3. Blemish soother from Angel Face Botanicals. I’ve noticed some very, very subtle fading of acme scars but it is most effective at getting rid of pimples.
4. Super Glam Lip Jam natural lip gloss in Berry Burst from La La Bloom. This adds sheer berry color with just enough shine and it smells like strawberry cake!
5. Baking soda + water to cleanse my hair. I don’t use hair products (except shampoo and conditioner) but have been plagued by itchy scalp for years, particularly when I moved to New Mexico. So last night I combined a tablespoon of baking powder with enough water to make the mixture liquidy and unclumpy and used it to cleanse my hair, especially around the scalp.
6. Followed the baking powder mixture with an apple cider vinegar rinse: Two table spoons of acv disolved into a cup of lukewarm water.
Click on the above photo to go to view it on Flickr, where I’ve included notes.
p.s. I am currently bathing with the Lychee Bubble tea soap from Savor and exfoliating with the Tahitian Glow bath salts from Angel Face Botanicals.
ETA: Here are some simple-sounding homemade recipes I might like to try:
Rose toner
::hey there::
I’m in almost-total LSAT study mode. The test is in EIGHT DAYS. Yikes. I am going to try daily (or nightly) breathing exercises as a calming measure. I get really nervous about tests. Tests are something I usually try to avoid (do you know I let my grade drop from an A to a C in high school English just because I refused to take an oral exam?? And English was one of my strengths!) so I think I never gave myself and opportunity to get over the nervousness. In all honesty, I don’t think I’ll be one of those testers who score in the top 10 percent. I just hope to proceed calmly and try my best.
But speaking of tests, Chance took his therapy-dog exam on Saturday and he passed! I was so, so, happy and proud of him because he hardly received any type of training at all. It all came down to his naturally calm personality. He’s such a good listener. Passing this exam means that we can now enroll in two mandatory classes and then we’ll be able to do five supervised visits. Therapy dogs are not service dogs. Service dogs are those dogs you see wearing the orange vests and guiding the blind or getting things for people who are wheelchair-bound. Therapy dogs visit hospitals, care homes, schools, re-hab centers, etc., to hopefully bring some cheer to the patients. Essentially, service dogs are full-time employees who live with their employer while therapy dogs are part-time employees who work in an “office.”
ALSO, totally off subject, but I am happy to report that my cutting down on washing my hair with shampoo seems to be working. Right now I have a rotating schedule that is roughly this: Day 1: Apple cider vinegar rinse; Day 2: nothing; Day 3: shampoo; Day 4: nothing; and repeat. If I slip up and go more than a couple of days without the rinse or the shampoo my hair does tend to get oily and my scalp itchy, but it has gotten MUCH more manageable.
Tonight I’m going to try a baking soda recipe along with the apple cider vinegar rinse in an attempt to cut the shampoo out all together. I’ll let you know how it goes. I want to get a haircut soon too.
Once the LSAT is over, I suspect I am going to go on an all-out sewing binge!
::pretty in pink::
I made myself a pretty pink dress. Actually, I think the pink makes me look washed out in these photos. And the fabric is a little too thin and see-through. I’m wearing a black stretch tank top underneath. Meh. I’m so nit-picky! But I really love the pattern. It’s Simplicity 2584, one of the Cynthia Rowley for Simplicity patterns that has been garnering a lot of blog attention as of late.
::the end; warning: personal::
I always have an internal battle about whether to post anything too personal. Because you never know who’s reading.
BUT. I think writing this would relieve me and take some burden off my shoulders.
This past week has been tough. I got into a huge fight with my ex. I sent him a horrible e-mail, which I was thankfully able to apologize for. What happened was I ran into some acquaintances of ours and they were trying to be sympathetic about our breakup. They were trying to allow me a space to vent about the breakup I think, but one of them said something to the effect of, “I was surprised when we saw Chris and his new girlfriend. He didn’t seem the type who would move on so quickly.” Instead of just avoiding a hurtful topic, I let them talk about his current girlfriend and found out she was a medical student. That’s when a light bulb went off in my mind and I knew I knew who this girl was. She was a friend of Chris’ friends and she had even dated one of his friends briefly. I had this feeling in my gut that he had had feelings for her while we were together and that’s why he broke up with me.
I essentially got him to admit this in a text message after I sent him the horrible e-mail. I felt so hurt because he hadn’t told me during the breakup, he hadn’t told me when he mentioned he was dating someone new. He said he hadn’t cheated on me, and I believe him. But he knew for awhile that he was having feelings for someone else and he didn’t tell me. I was, probably literally, the last to know. And I found out because of something people I’d categorize as acquaintances said.
I have the LSAT coming up in mere weeks and with all of this on my mind I’ve been having a hard time concentrating. It’s really annoying.
But I think I’m finally turning a corner. Just after the e-mail and texting incident I had a dream. I am not the type to believe that people visit you in your dreams and tell you what you need to know. Perhaps my conscious mind shut down and gave my subconscious enough time to put the puzzle together for me.
In my dream, I was with Chris the night we broke up and he was crying, just like the night we broke up. He was saying he had a headache and he was asking me to let him go, just let him go. And I wasn’t crying. I couldn’t say anything. I was just watching him and this feeling of pity washed over me. Pity sounds harsh, but it was like a merciful pity.
In so many ways Chris is such a good guy. And he was a good boyfriend. He was loyal and honest. Before I’d met him, he’d tried his hand at bull riding and even got hurt during a stint as a rodeo clown. He’s surfed big waves in Hawaii and raced motorcycles. He’s lived his life as if it’s important not to give in to fear. And yet there he was in my dream and he was crying and he couldn’t tell me the whole truth about why he needed to break up. There were so many complicated and conflicting emotions for him to shoulder and despite all he’d said about honesty and not living in fear, he could not come out and say, “I don’t love you like that anymore.” Because he wanted to spare me.
I finally felt like it was OK. Instead of being hurt and betrayed and demanding he tell me when his feelings for this other girl developed, or how deeply, or whether he told her how unhappy he was in our relationship when he couldn’t even tell me, I felt like it was OK for me to spare him too.
I felt like I forgave myself for being foolish and blind in the name of love, for not knowing that I should have let go sooner.
I forget what else happened in the dream but I do remember walking by a street cafe and he was sitting under an umbrella holding his baby. And he didn’t see me, but he looked happy and I was happy for him.
Having children was always important to Chris. There was an age difference between us and I wasn’t ready to have children and he was feeling like he needed to have children soon. But maybe it just meant that there is something new awaiting both of us, and although we are on separate paths it is really for the better.
